I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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