I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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