We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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