I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
