Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
