dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize