He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
