last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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