I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
