You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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