What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
