I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
