tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
