pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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