Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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