I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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