So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
