i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
