Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
