First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
