420 ftw
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
