he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
