I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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