Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
