She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
