Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
