my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
