Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I seem to have left my pride at pride
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
