Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
