the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
