well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
