I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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