i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
