I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
