how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
