At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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