Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
