I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
