So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize