I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
