What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
did i just pee glitter
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