His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
