I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
