I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
