I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
