If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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