Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm jealous of your bromance
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I touched a dick in church today
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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