you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
