it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
