Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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