I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
