Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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