someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
