nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
