why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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