There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
