Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
