Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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