so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
