we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
