I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
