I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
