So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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