Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
