I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
